How to Love a Black Man

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Came across article written by Dr. Jamal Harrison-Bryant and We just had to share.

Happy Young African American Couple Laughing Outdoor Stock Photo - 5782943 

One of my dear friends sent me an email from a poll that was taken on a statistical study. (As a disclaimer, the poll was not taken from our church and I do not defend, uplift, or protect the data that was given).
The Ten Problems that Black Men have with Black Women:
  1. Black Women make Black men feel unappreciated, unwanted, irresponsible, and regressive.
  2. Black Women are too aggressive, and are impatient when it comes to waiting on a man to pursue them.
  3. Black Women are too strong-headed and independent, which presents great challenges in relationships.
  4. Black Women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to “run” the relationship.
  5. Black Women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue-collar black man.
  6. Black Women are hot-headed and have bad attitudes.
  7. Black Women stop caring about their appearance once they are in a relationship.
  8. Black Women are not open to other areas of intimacy. (paraphrased)
  9. Black Women’s tolerance is far too low; they are not empathetic to the Black Man’s struggle in a racist society.
  10. Black Women do not cater to their man as much as they cater to themselves and their child.

Song of Solomon 1:2
Matthew 26:47-48

The context of Song of Solomon is that King David was going through a very small town and saw a woman who was working in the garden. She captured his attention by the way she worked. He returned to the palace, but could not get her off his mind. Consequently, he disguised himself and dressed like a peasant. He returned to the vineyard and won her over. Song of Solomon is a collection of 7 poems that talks about how they met: their courtship, engagement, wedding, honeymoon and the life they lived after.
Four C’s On How to Love a Black Man.
1. Cheerleader.
Every woman involved with a black man has to learn how to be a cheerleader. A cheerleader is of no consequence when the team is winning. When the team has scored a touch down, you can’t hear the cheerleaders because the whole stadium is ecstatic and excited. Cheerleaders are necessary after a tackle, a hit or an injury. Every black man yearns to have somebody on the sidelines who will cheer for him when he’s not making progress.
2. Conditioner.
  • a) Hair Conditioner. A conditioner is something that improves the quality of another matter. Every woman is supposed to condition, or improve a man’s quality of life. Most heterosexual men only use shampoo, while most women who take care of their hair use shampoo and conditioner. The shampoo is incomplete by itself. The conditioner is the sealant. Women need to understand that they are incomplete without men, and vice versa. When we connect, we seal and complement each other. The conditioner does several things:
  • It detangles. A woman’s first assignment in loving a black man is to bring order.
  • The conditioner also stops breakage. The role of a woman who is involved with a black man is to stop him from having break downs.
  • The conditioner alleviates dandruff (signs of death in the scalp). Dandruff always shows itself at eye level, so you can see a man when he’s starting to die. Life no longer excites him. Therefore, to stop the death process, a woman has to condition him.
  • Conditioner also brings gloss. The role of a woman who is living with a black man is to help him shine. Don’t minimize him even though you make more money.
  • A conditioner is also an acidifier. In order for a man to love a woman wholly, he’s got to be healed from what is in his head.
  • b) An air conditioner is an instrument used to change the environment. It produces both air and heat. Air conditioners do not produce the air, they recycle the air. The role of a woman in a man’s life is to be an environment transformer.
  • c)Fabric Conditioner/Fabric Softener prevent static cling. If you want to love a black man and have him love you back, you cannot have static cling.
3. Co-pastor
The man in biblical structure/order is the priest of the home. Unfortunately, in the Christian construct more often than not the woman is more disciplined in spirituality than the man. The woman in that relationship is assigned, or deputized, as the co-pastor.
4. Conspirator
The woman who is connected to a black man has to come up with a conspiracy for his success – setting him up for greatness in his absence.
SOS 1:2 “Let him …” This is very critical because Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, is advising sisters who love a black man to let him feel like it was his idea, let him believe that he was right. It says “Let him kiss you…” this implies that the woman has the authority, but the man can’t operate in that authority without her permission. The male ego is such a fragile entity. He doesn’t need to know all the things a woman has done on his behalf.
God’s conspiracy for man was to make him feel like “he’s the man,” but man didn’t understand it until God introduced him to a woman, the conditioner. Her role was to condition him for a place in God.

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