An amazing article from Debra K. Fileta , Author of True Love Dates , We had to share .
Don't date until You Are Ready :) Enjoy !!
For far too long, the
overall Christian sub-culture has been down on dating.
It’s been blamed for
relationship problems, pain and even been equated to a lack of trust in
“Waiting on God.” As a professional counselor and, well, a woman who dated, I
see dating as an incredible opportunity to glorify God and get to know the
people around you in hopes of finding true love.
But for as much as I’m a
fan of dating, I can’t say that it’s always for everyone. There are definitely
times and stages in a person’s life when dating may not be the right thing.
Here are some examples:
1.
You Hope a Relationship Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself.
I interact with some young men and women who believe that
a relationship is the means to their end, as if all problems, insecurities, fears
and worries will dissolve in the embrace of a lover.
No human being has the
capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth.
If you are looking to a
relationship to solve your problems and absolve your fears then hear this: You
probably shouldn’t be dating.
There’s got to be an
understanding that true security and value must come from within before you
will be able to invest fully to another. Relying on another human being to fill
those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster—because no human being has the
capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. True
security must be rooted from the intimacy of your relationship with God, and
founded in the value He has placed upon your life. Relationships and the joy that
they bring are simply overflow.
Seek to understand your
true value before trying to find it in the eyes of another.
2.
You Just Got Out of a Relationship.
This is what we like to
call the “rebound.” We all know that individual who is bouncing around from one
relationship to the next, getting over one breakup by jumping into the arms of
someone else.
The problem with this
philosophy is that it never allows for healing, maturity and growth. When a
relationship ends, it’s a signal that something was wrong. Rather than quickly
starting over, it’s important to take the time to heal, recover and redefine
yourself now that you are standing alone.
It’s important to review
the former relationship and learn from your past wounds before you seek to try
again. Give yourself time and a chance to heal, because that healing (or lack
thereof) will follow you right into the next relationship.
3.
You Haven’t Invested in Getting to Know Yourself.
For you to really have an
understanding of what you need in a mate, you have to have an understanding of
who you are. I would venture to say that the No. 1 determining factor of
whether you are ready to date is how well you know yourself.
For you to really have an
understanding of what you need in a mate, you have to have an understanding of
who you are.
Of course, knowing yourself
is a lifelong process, but your past, your present and your future are all
important parts to you need to understand and work through as much as possible
for the prospect of true love to become a reality. YOU are actually the most
important person you will ever date.
4.
You Don’t Believe the Timing is Right.
Sometimes it really comes
down to this one thing. For some people, the adventure of dating is one that
they are not quite ready to jump into. Maybe the timing is not right or maybe
they are at a point in life in which their concentration needs to be invested
in other things: school, career, ministry or simply getting their life more
together.
No matter the reason, it’s
important get a green light within your heart led by God’s Spirit in order to
go ahead and step into the world of dating.
Dating can complicate—I get
it. But it can also be a really special adventure. In order to pursue the
rewards of dating and minimize the risks, it’s seriously important to make sure
you are ready and that the timing is right for you.
Take inventory of where you
are in life and then seek God as you take the first steps. Like I said, I’m an
advocate of dating, but if you’re going to date, be sure to date well, because
timing is everything.